Emily in Paris star, Lily Collins, recently participated in the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, led by co-hosts Glennon Doyle, Amanda Doyle, and Abby Wambach. The 33-year-old actress looked back on her toxic relationship and opened up about the abuse she received from her ex-boyfriend when she was in her early 20s.
“For me, my romantic toxic relationship was verbal and emotional abuse and being made to feel very small. He would call me ‘Little Lily.’ You should be ‘Little Lily’ and he’d use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things.”
Collins admitted that her ex’s abusive and belittling words led her to seek therapy, after becoming “quite silent and comfortable in silence.” She felt like she had to make herself “small to feel super safe.”
She continued: “When prey felt threatened, they made themselves as small as possible. Possibly by not eating by making themselves look as least juicy and enticing as possible and that’s where they felt the safest.”
Fortunately, Collins is now in a healthy relationship with husband Charlie McDowell, but she explains that she still gets triggered by her past.
“Even if I’m in the most healthy relationship, there can be a moment that happens throughout the day where history comes back like that. It’s like a millisecond, or shorter than a millisecond. And your gut reacts, your heart starts beating, and all of a sudden you’re taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you’re not in that situation now and that’s the trigger and it’s f—ing hard. It’s awful.“
Although Lily didn’t reveal the name of her abuser, fans have started speculating and assume that Jamie Campell Bower might be the person she’s been talking about. Collins’ relationship with the British actor coincides with the time period she’s referring to.
